Mother's Day

Mother's Day has been an emotional day for me for several years now. First it was tears of sadness, and now tears of joy. Being a mother is a precious gift, one that shouldn't be taken for granted. I am so grateful for my children. My heart goes out to my girl's beautiful and amazing birth mothers. I have so much love, respect and admiration for them. They are the most selfless people that I know. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to be a mother. I am forever grateful.
This is a poem written by fellow blogger "Mrs. R" and I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share. I think it pretty much sums up how I feel.

i had a dream that died last year.

a dream of little babies that looked like mr. r and me.

a dream of being a co-creator of life.

a dream of feeling life grow within me.

a dream of surprising our family and friends with the blessed news.

a dream of getting flowers in the hospital.

a dream of hearing the heartbeat.

a dream of mr. r and i alone in the hospital room with an hours old baby in our arms.

a dream of the little ankle bracelet with my name and baby's name on it.

a dream of maternity clothes.

a dream of taking pictures each month to show how much bigger the baby had gotten in my tummy.

a dream of counting down the days.

a dream of experiencing the spirituality of the delivery room as my mother described it.

a dream of having a baby when i wanted to have one.

but...

there is no biological possibility of that happening.

the r house is not infertile. we are sterile.

that news is really a gift.

there is no wondering if this month is the month. there is no lingering or wilting hope. there are no questions or unexplained infertility. there isn't a fraction of a percentage of a chance that it could happen. that is truly a tender mercy of the Lord for the r house. i realize that i am blessed in that area and there are many who still hang onto that. for us, it was easy to grieve, deal with it, close up that chapter an move on. don't get me wrong. there are still some days where i am reminded, the occasional dagger and then i realize, "oh yes. there is my old friend infertility back again. i know you."

those days after the "bad" news were hard.

(that's the understatement of the year!)

we fasted and we prayed and we poured out our hearts. i was not one of those people who kept it in. i cried with my mom and my dad and my mother and father-in-law. i cried with becca and mrs. dub on the phone. i cried and cried and cried ...because the dream had died.

those prayers were answered.

and we were blessed with a miracle.

the miracle of understanding and accepting.

the miracle of gaining a testimony and a desire for adoption.

the miracle of feeling the power of the sealing power seared into my soul.

the miracle of peace.

and i was blessed with a new dream.

a new dream that i daydream about in the car everyday ...still.

the dream of hearing the words, "i chose you to be his family."

the new dream of babies of all colors and races, my babies.

and recently the dream of seeing all of my children dressed in white sitting in the temple with us. tyson being the oldest and so handsome.

new dreams that are as dear to me now as the old ones were. new dreams that make tears streak my cheeks. good dreams.

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